Year of Hell

12 months ago today Carter was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.

in our Type 1 World – where everything is different. Today is classed as his DIAVERSARY!

His 1st Diaversary (diabetic anniversary).

To me, it will always be the day diabetes tried to steal my baby! Diabetes didn’t win that day, or the next day. We live with it, lurking, ready and waiting. BUT we are living with it – surviving. EVERYTHING is different now. But we are all together and safe – and healthy! So that’s ok.

This is HOW WE LIVE NOW!

We refer to last year as our Year of Hell or Hell Year for short. It was exactly that. Not only did we (mostly Carter) go through so, so much, we had to regroup and learn how to live again. How to survive, to remain healthy and happy – in a whole world of suffering. This is no easy task.

But we are doing it, rediscovering ourselves daily. Changing, learning and surviving – in a wonderful suffering!

I have spent the last few days creating him a video of the last 12 months memories (Morgan helped – massively, I couldn’t have done it without him. It was very emotional for us, Morgan found it very difficult but he did it – for me and his brother – he is incredible).I believe it is important for all of us to have somewhere we can cache all those memories, put them to one side, knowing they are safe and that we can revisit them should we ever wish, but we can and have put them to one side, to move on – to be happy.

Right now, the pain and trauma is still too raw to face, I am haunted by the events unfolding this time 12 months ago. They will forever fill the silence and the darkness but the video is there and waiting for us for when we are ready to help us heal and to reflect. The beginning is a difficult watch – by the end the smiles and happy are evident – we did it! He survived and Our Year of Hell is – OVER!!!

Initially I was going to make him a scrapbook. I want him to always be able to look back on what happened to him, I think it is important that he knows and can accept it, own it and move on from it, the video is also easier to share, for him to use as a tool throughout his life as he needs / sees fit.

I would also like to think it could be used to raise awareness of this god awful disease – to prevent just 1 child becoming as close to death as Carter – if it can do that, then WOW! It is more than I could have ever hoped for!

He may use this in the future to redirect his life, help his family, children and even future friends/loved ones integrate into his world. To understand his world, his difference and embrace this with him.

It is not an easy watch but it is real. It may help someone you know so please feel free to share. It might help a newly diagnosed family, someone in the same position we were 12 months ago. It will certainly help raise awareness and if it saves just 1 child’s life, from someone being aware of what Carter went through and to be mindful of the symptoms (remember, this went on for 2 years – multiple Drs and surgeons and nurses dismissed diabetes – but they were wrong) or to be more assertive and advocate for the child when even the professionals say things are ok – you KNOW them better. Never will I ever again allow myself to be bullied into submission by a medical professional. I KNEW my son was very sick – they were WRONG! THEY failed him and THEY almost caused US to kill him! If this video helps just 1 family, just 1 child to prevent that, then it has done more than I could have ever dreamed it would.

ALSO – to help you – YOU! The standard, general public. Joe Bloggs. The Greg’s of the world who knew nothing of Diabetes before our son was diagnosed. Who are perfectly in their rights to be thinking ‘Diabetes is easy, you take insulin with food and test your blood sugars – simple’ YOU are not alone in thinking that. It is MASSIVELY MISUNDERSTOOD – if this video helps someone to understand it better – to be aware of my boys life and all that he faces (and has faced) then again – mission accomplished!

Finally this video is for me, I NEED this. I NEED it to watch, I have the memories FRESH in my head, the frightening parts, the scary parts and sometimes THEY take over. And in my head, the trauma creates new, alternative endings – horrific endings and it is unbearable. I NEED this video. It has helped me to process my trauma, my PTSD and the visual of the happy ending – the ‘where we are – here, now, today’ – I can use this, to heal, to watch and realise and re-programme my pain. He DID survive. He IS OK! We are OK!

The video runs for around 40mins, you don’t have to watch it. I didn’t make it for social media. I made it for US, for Carter. I want to share because if it will help (for any of the above reasons) then I feel it is my duty to share.

For everyone who has shared our journey and sent love – thank you 🙂 it really has meant the world to us.

This video requires no further introduction:

This is HIS story: https://www.facebook.com/rachel.beal1/videos/vb.1087336483/10210916034592013/?type=2&theater&notif_t=video_processed&notif_id=1490465099465110

NOTE: Due to internet rules and YouTube laws with copy write I had to change the music in this video to have this uploaded. The original version is better, if anyone would like a copy to share with families / support groups, please let me know and I will arrange this from our Master Copy and not the ‘Make-Do’ one I’ve had to edit to upload (because the original soundtrack is better). Stinking YouTube! Sucks!

Rose ❤

Also, please check out my JustGiving Page for #CartersDex and help us if you can: https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/CartersDex

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